Today’s text comes from many questions I’ve received on the topic of sexual tension, which almost everybody seem to believe that it’s the ultimate key leading to immediate and 100% sure success.
All consultants are fed up with an exploited concept about sexual tension that is sell out on certain circles, and little part to none of them stop to think about it for a while and ask a few good questions.
First of these would be… What the heck is SEXUAL TENSION?
Some people come to me saying that they have read this or that on some websites, blogs and forums.
Almost all those readings state that sexual tension is born from eye contact, making pauses while talking and touching. Then they ask… Is that true? If not, how do you create sexual tension? But this kind of questioning leads to get lost.
These aren’t the questions we should be asking. They aren’t powerful. Given that, we are going to work on the abstract topic of sexual tension stating that:
- It is not easily described using just words.
- It is not something you can come up with out of nowhere.
- It is not something that appears with everyone else.
These are the ABC’s of sexual tension for me. Likewise all the other energies, it is not created nor destroyed and just goes on transforming itself. Let’s add more.
I’ve already stated that many of the questions we deliver on this thread are wrong and the answers we may get happen to be inadequate for what we’re looking to know… So we’re on a breach where most smart people would stop trying to learn something about this from reading and then would start meeting those people that make their world tremble and turn upside down, who make their tummies tickle and their legs shake.
I firmly think, feel and believe that this last paragraph contains the adequate way to learn something about sexual tension – living it up.
Although there still may be someone asking…
Yeah, but then how is that sexual tension created?
If you google sexual tension you’re going to find tons of places related to many industries and thought tendencies where the authors describe how *THEY* believe it happens to be created. But the real thing here is that it’s *NOT* created. It is given whenever two people connect with each other. Nothing more, nothing less. Whenever there is true compliance desire may show up, and if the right conditions are met…
Then that tension takes the lead. But you need to remember that sexual tension is *NEVER* going to appear between those who doesn’t feel comfortable and close enough in a way to each other… A fact that all authors and approaches on this topic prefer to hide.
I’m sick and tired of seeing that all they come up with are ideas on how physical contact and touching other people’s bodies build this kind of energy between individuals. And I’m sick of it because when somebody lets you touch his/her body is not because it *makes* you get closer to them, but because you *already are that close* to them. Because it speaks of it, people seem to believe that it would also get it out from thin air.
Most of the people who share this viewpoint speaks under the perspective of being necessary for everything they want to really happen as they wish, as we stated above. And unluckily for them, this is totally wrong. Neither are they that necessary, nor can they have this much of an influence on the others.
This people have assumed the twisted belief of being responsible for everything to happen, and thus think that they can make anybody feel whatever they want them to feel. But emotions are not created, just inspired.
You can’t clap your hands and make people feel great around you, have fun with you, feel attracted to you, desire to spend time with you, lust you… Because all of these appear as they do with your best friends – through time and regular meeting, living life and doing stuff together. Sharing high quality moments of pleasure and joy.
A dictionary definition of sexual tension would talk about two people who feel a mutual desire but hold up from making the first step and get closer, deliberately delaying the moment or rendering it almost unable to happen.
With that one should know everything about *how does it feel*…
And then someone goes smart and asks *what can we DO to make it happen then?*. That person elaborates his/her point telling you that some random guru said that what you do talks louder than what you say or something else.
That’s when I would answer as following, for everybody:
I’ve written and told this words so many times that I still have the scars on my fingertips from a broken keyboard and my throat gets sore whenever I have to repeat it.
*EVERYTHING* that is shown as attraction/complicity/desire/sexual tension builders/generators JUST DO NOTHING BUT EXPRESS IT IF IT’S REAL.
It isn’t that what you do and what you say are provoking that, it is that they are a result from both of you feeling like that already… And what you do and say just continues and preserves or transforms it into something else. They don’t create it, they just unveil it.
You may agree that unveiling something isn’t the same as creating it.
If I was you, my dear reader of dating advice sites, I would stop complicating my life trying to grasp unexisting responsabilities about things that can’t be influenced, that doesn’t exist and can’t be achieved… And I’d say to myself: “just go out there and do what you really feel like doing – have fun and feel your emotions, then learn to share that with others. And that’s it… No more reading about seduction.
That idea of constantly be doing something to attract people and approaching strangers is just to keep people busy digging the graves for their self-esteem… Because when they fail on what they’re *practising* – and they sure will… It’s not going to be the guru’s nor the method’s fault, but yours. You’re the one who can’t achieve the promised results to them… But the truth is that they’re just selling snake oil.
I would gladly send them to oblivion due to all the pain they brought to people who just wanted to be better with themselves and be able to relate better to others. Due to all the garbage they induced into others lifes and minds – even though if those people weren’t so willing to believe on their good marketed but empty-of-education stuff then this may have not happened at all.
Many gurus are just people faking to live a good life so they can be accepted as worthy to sell lifestyle advice materials for people to be socially and sexually succesful. Most of them live alone or with trophy girls at side. Others go by the thing of sharing as many pictures of themselves kissing people and even having sex as they can without being scolded for doing so. Never forget that they just want to make sales.
And to make sales they’d go as far as stating that they can get girls copying any other guy’s *game*. That’s when I, like everybody able to see through the veil, see that they are just *UNABLE* to keep anyone really on their life, and that they have to say the same shit to everybody because there’s no real foundation behind them.
Because being like that doesn’t pay off, it ends being a pain in the ass for anybody willing to be a better person and pays them attention in hope that they’re legal.
That’s why my advice is to avoid every unnecesary difficulty. Find ease and delight on yourself and everything you experience and do, but don’t wander looking for girls… Because that’s the neediest thing you could do – and it’s also the #1 advice from gurus.
Look around you and tell me how many girls are randomly approaching people who have, let’s say, catched their eye somehow or because they need to resolve an existential need with their help. And tell me too – how many woman can you see that, instead of be enjoying themselves with their people (dancing, talking or whatever) are hitting on men and trying to get their phone numbers? Or worse, begging for kisses and trying to get some in a hurry…
… a few or none, you say? Well, you can always find some, but that’s it. Period. Have in mind that this isn’t because they want men to take the lead, but because they don’t feel the need to brute-force themselves inside any guy’s life.
They also don’t need any boasting on their past relationships, or about what they did with their last boyfriend… Unless you did something to make her want to hurt you. Because, and face it like a man, the things they do have a higher impact on us than ours usually have on them. It’s not like what we’ve done have no effect – it’s that the effect is to get her upset and annoyed. So please, remember to avoid this.
Keep it authentic, be open and honest. Share your thoughts and emotions. Don’t lead anyone to misunderstanding – clarify how you are, how you live life and let them accept you for what you are. Let yourself be accepted for your TRUE YOURSELF – which happens to be the best and also the one you need to use and balance to grow as a better person, for the sake of your happiness.
It isn’t bad to be curious about them, to feel dazzled and captivated by their looks, by their smile or how their voice sounds. It isn’t bad to be sexual. But it sure is bad to make people feel filthy. There are many ways to show what you feel and tell what you think, and you won’t get anything out of try to get them aroused being rude and talking dirty – and it is likely that the times you actually get them aroused, they’ll be messed up too.
In short: find the proper way to speak your truth and, like my Amorati folks say, embrace your masculine edge.
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